Lambertine van veldhuizen 


no flowers


I’m sorry,

These days she feels like a dream. Like I could only have imagined a person like her ever existing. Maybe this is because memories fade and she will become more my imagination.

Last summer I bought cobalt blue paint. That was her favorite color. I made some paintings with that, but nothing seemed to work.

She was there.

I remember standing next to her breathing her last breath. I remember going to the hospice daily to see her. I remember hugging her. 

But you see, not everything was good. She was disappointed at me for not going to church and she would always try to convince me to become a nurse.

But she smelled very nice. She gave me advise on how to be social and on how to help people. That was very important to her; helping people.

She never wanted me to leave. 

She wanted no flowers.

No flowers is an installation based on the room my mother was laid out in after she died. It examines the role of space and memory in painful circumstances.